Tuesday 9 July 2013

Freedom from the inner critic

"Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains" Jean-Jacques Rousseau

There is so much information these days on how to manage our inner dialogue. Through our favourite search engine, there are a multiple different strategies. Often our inner dialogue, especially if it is negative, can get in the way when we are performing, public speaking, or even speaking to someone new in a personal setting.

I have done a great deal of work with clients over the last year, especially for performers in the area of the inner critic. I have to observe it in myself as well, otherwise the critic can suddenly explode and can lead to overwhelm and confusion. That internal dialogue of negativity stops us from being open, expressive and at ease with ourselves and our body. It is sometimes the inner critic that usually tends to trigger our adrenaline system. I draw on principles of mindfulness, as well as performance psychology to arrive at the easiest and most successful outcome for those that I see.

When we criticise ourselves, we respond with feeling under attack and our muscles tense. It creates a defence by tightening and tensing muscles. For many I work with, this judgement sits in the mouth and throat area and tightens the jaw, tongue, lips, neck and throat. So when we are looking for an open throat and jaw free from tension to obtain a free voice, it proves to get in the way (to say the least).


"Why do lock yourself up in these chains? No one can change your life except for you" Wilson Philips

Indeed why do we have such a harsh critic? What stops us from being more gentle with ourselves, for forgiving ourselves? Some of the things we might say to ourselves are mean, or nasty, or untrue, or based on something that happened when we were much younger. I often have clients who say that it was their year 3 teacher that told them they could not sing, and they haven't questioned it since!The first step is to be aware of when and why we do it, without criticising ourselves (using many of the mindfulness techniques).Is there a way of getting out of our own way and altering the stress-tension pattern. 

Below is one of the most interesting ways to view "stress"that I have seen. "Stress"is a term oft used and over-used: many of us glorify being "busy". Are we more obsessed  with "outcomes" in our modern world? I read recently that perhaps all we need is one life changing idea and it would alter our life forever. I doubt it would come in if we were frantic and focusing on our lack of time.

"Stress-tension-release-relaxation
 Stress-tension-release-rela
 Stress-tension-relea
 Stress-tension-stress"  King

We are not generally in the habit of releasing, nor relaxing as a general rule in Western society. The art of relaxing and releasing is often lost in our busy world and certainly stating to someone that we have had a great time dreaming and daydreaming lately may be met with considerable disdain. Or a judgement of being lazy....or in some circles extremely lucky. Distractions  and addictions are more common, rather than "releases" and focusing inward and reflecting. We may find that during the week, or during a rehearsal period, we are either at maximum speed or passed out on the couch.  Have we lost the balance?

So, as we focus on the doing in daily life, without breaking the tension, the stress cycle continues to develop and the inner critic rejoices that we haven't stopped, so that we may be successful and productive. I often wonder about some of the young corporate individuals who come to see me, as they often are unable to see that their bodies have any level of "stress". They no longer even recognise that they need to release, and they look at me as if i am quite mad to suggest that they need to actively release, focus on themselves, their breath, become grounded and flow again. How can this co-exist in their life? Especially if they are working 16 hour days, as well as weekends. What makes us then stop? 

For a lot of us, if it remains unchecked,  stress and tension continue to build. For many of my clients it is their voice, jaw or breathing that is affected. For some, I feel that their voice is giving them a warning to address their vocal symptoms. And sometimes, we need to know that we inhabit a space internally where it is safe to let go. For many perfomers and those that are more sensitive, being in a supported space with someone else can allow the release to occur. Sometimes it can feel too big to do on our own, especially if the critic is playing a heavy hand.

Here is a great video on the inner critic as suggested by Joyce di Donato, famous classical operatic soprano. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=Mgb-kIZcOI4 She speaks of how everyone who performs has to silence that voice in our head that gets in our way. And it is great for any non-perfomers out there too. 

We have the capacity to tone our nervous system and our thoughts. We do not always have to be busy or stressed. We can learn to re-engage our calm nervous system (Parasymapthetic) We need to target our thoughts and our body and listen to them intently and with compassion. 

So some thoughts on finding more internal space:

How can we luxuriate more? How can we structure less?  How can we thank our internal critic for all it gives us, and then allow it to take a back seat and listen more to our inner voice? How can we give ourselves full permission to discover the walls that confine and bind us? For in that must led to increased freedom and ease.

When we are free mentally and emotionally and physically, then we can resonate vocally. Find flow again, find more freedom, in our voice and in our life.... xx

"The human voice is the organ of the soul" 
Henry Longfellow





Sunday 30 June 2013

Roses...the art of life






"Where are the songs of Spring? Ay, where are they?
Think not of them, thou hast thy music too,-
While barred clouds bloom the soft-dying day,
And touch the stubble-plains with rosy hue" John Keats


It is that time of year when we transition into the cold and darkness of Winter. In the garden that signifies many things. Recently my dad and I pruned a multitude of rose bushes. Well he did, expertly, and I was his novice student. He is known for his beautiful roses at home.  My dad has a true green thumb, and spends many hours in the garden. I have been known to be not so handy in my garden travails allowing many a plant to meet an all too soon demise. So  it was with a newfound curiosity and desire to learn the art of green life. 



The pruning allowed us to observe the sound of the gentle rain in the garden. The quietude and stillness made this experience truly enjoyable, coupled with the crispness of the cooler afternoon air. Over the summer, the roses had provided me with hours of glorious scent, of delightful colour. Now, in the waning into true Winter, watching them take their final bow towards their ephemerality was true beauty.  It reminds me of the cycles of life and death, allowing the full nature of transformation to be present, from the arrival of the first blushing bud until the last of the petals fall.


I have been contemplating my new instructions to rose pruning and feel that these lessons may also apply to life. Surprisingly, over the past few weeks, I have given this advice to people who are searching for the ultimate rose pruning. Here are my dad's guidelines on how to prune roses, wonderfully advised in his gentle tone of voice, filled with patience.

Cut away the old flowers first.
Start with what you can see easily and cut them away.Take off the old roses, the leaves, in order to see beyond the wildness of the rose bush. Take time to look at the plant and see how it is structured, instead of being in the midst of the plant. Step back and have a look at it from all angles until you can see the whole of the plant and get to know it and what shape it might take.  
Not to be too hasty at the start when we haven't truly seen what shape it is we would like to develop. Give it the space to allow it to unfold. Being patient that it is the first step in the process and it may not yet be clear what to do next.

Cut away anything that is growing on the inside. We are looking to make the rose bush circular. 

Cutting away the branches on the inside. Some looked so lovely that I didn't want to cut them at first. They were not part of the roses plan to grow into its envisaged shape. Such as when things look beautiful on the surface, but they do not serve us anymore and we need to let them go. They are not for our highest purpose, and may lead us into thorny situations in the future.

Cut away anything that is crossing over into the middle of the bush.

This step entails cutting away that which has grown over what needs to be bare. Cutting a branch that will later interfere with the growth of a stronger branch...a healthier one. In modern times, we often have so many things going on, and not always enough time to have clarity on all that occupies us.  To cut away those things in life that cross us, that keep us "busy" and "doing" and that stop us from breathing and Being. "At this deep level we can then create the life we want especially when all of our "branches" are going in the right direction. We can harness and maintain our energy by being clear of what our intention is.

Prune to a third of its original size. Making a firm cut just above a new bud. This might seem a lot, but roses like a good prune (It might look harsh) They will grow back. And flower.

To me this last guideline is all about trust. A third? Really? It seems a lot. Apparently so. 
There has been many times in my life when I have "pruned" my life. Just after it is done, I have had a feeling of slight discomfort, tinged with regret: "oh, perhaps I trimmed too much-it looks so bare and empty". To me this stage is knowing and trusting new opportunities will enter a vacuum. The roses need it in order to grow anew. And amazing opportunities often replace what had been removed.

Winter is a time of introspection, of shorter days and longer nights. It is a wonderful time to observe what is going on internally and make changes that suit us on a deep level. We benefit from this time of introspection to gain clarity and scope out possibilities for the time ahead.

In life, we need to create space, especially if life feels too full. On a physical level, when we have an internal empty space, it can fill. The breath fully exhaled creates a vacuum in the lungs, creating room for the next inhale. We can then trust the new breath will enter into our body easily. We can surrender fully to this breath as it enters at a profound level.
When there is emotional space, it too creates room for the new, whether it be new romantic love, friends, hobbies, a new passion, or something old that is new again. We cannot always do this from a place of busy, overwhelm or overflow. Creating space for new growth. It is a time for searching what makes us happy and excited and what makes our hearts glad.
Space and release on a mental level is needed too. It is the basis of meditation and mindfulness. It is the clearing out of old thoughts, of becoming aware of what our thought space is doing. New thoughts can arrive, creating feelings of aliveness and inspiration. We benefit from this deep level of surrender. Of lettting go, and feeling into the next transition. Knowing that we will be supported. "Leap, and the net will appear".

Gardening together was a beautiful experience. Metaphorically, it is great to get a perspective on one's own life by a person we trust. Only we can make choices and decisions regarding our inner lives. However, discussion and advice can assist with how to "prune" ourselves in the best direction, and with the most amount of love.  

So in the midst of this chilly Winter, there is hope and trust for the Spring whilst acknowledging that it is still a deeply inward time... a feeling of waiting for the next growth to appear and to be filled by new delights. And the beautiful anticipation of the scent of roses filling the air with joy.

xx

Sunday 31 March 2013

Dreaming of Walt






I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me, so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.

Wednesday 6 March 2013

Smoking in the professional voice user

"One day I promised to God that if he would give me my voice back I would never smoke again. I got three octaves back after quitting" Mariah Carey

I don't want to sound preachy....but I see too many clients who smoke, particularly professional voice users. It is highly complex why we do all sorts of things that may not be ok for our body. Most of us have our vices. Recent studies claim that smoking is harder to give up than heroin. It is truly an addiction for some, and only a distraction for others. However if one was an athlete who wanted to participate in the Olympics, one would work really hard to curb a food addiction, minimise alcohol intake, increase physical activity and remove anything that would impede performance.

Strategies such as these don't always seem to equate with the song world. Do they need to? If it aint broke....Someone like Tom Waits might not have had his trademark voice without a certain amount of cigarettes and whisky. A husky, smoky voice can be perceived as a positive, but at what cost to the performer's long term vocal health?

I see many singers, actors and performers who smoke (and not only the cigarette variety). The smoke  is harmful to the vocal cords drying them out and causing inflammation and redness. Marijuana is said to be seven times hotter than cigarette smoke and can burn the vocal cords. Some performers like the raspy sound it gives them. They don't want to lose their edge and what made them popular in the first place. I see it as discomfort and more likely a long term problem.

How is it that one could be smoking and saying that they are looking after their voice? They are more likely to be prone to developing soreness and possible voice injuries especially if they have intensive performances and gigs. Some say "I get so many bouts of laryngitis every year". Is it really that? Or a combination of a few big nights out and the drying effects of the smoking? All too often we are blind to our own vices and the damaging effects it may have upon our bodies. I know of Speech Pathologists who refuse to work with those that do smoke.

Sometimes in life we are required to answer the question (that many perceive as dull) of which we want more: smoking or singing....A healthy life and professional performance career? I read yesterday that giving up smoking before 40 years old has dramatic benfits. So it is never too late to start.

Or in the words of Julia Cameron "How old will you be when you have finished it?
As old as you would have been if you had never started it".











Friday 25 January 2013

Riding the waves

"Let us sail beyond the sunset...."

Perhaps it is that time of year in the Southern Hemisphere where the summer heat evokes daydreams of luxurious warmth and warm breezes, but I seem to be talking to everyone about the images of waves. Personally, I love the water: to be floating, swimming, resting in the salty sea. The ocean is enticing, and awe-inducing all at once. It can move from still to stormy in a short space of time, much like our internal selves at times.

What I have been reflecting on is  how do we weather our internal storms? 

Riding the waves of emotion requires a surfboard of sorts, or even a boat that can be anchored. Many of us head out to "sea" with no lifejacket and no idea about what some of the dangers might be and so we retreat quickly back to shore with emotions that have not fully run their course and with a memory that the experience was overwhelming, or close to. The best known surfboard that I know is in the power of our breath. With the breath we can we ride any wave and not be dunked by it, overwhelmed by it and not left gasping and panicked. 

Part of the adrenaline response in our nervous system is to alter our breath, allowing us to get ready to flee/fight/freeze, even if the danger is only in our psyche and not physically in front of us.  Our breath becomes shallow, or at times lost, unavailable and foreign.

How do we recognise that our breath is powerful and provides a sense of centre for us to come home to? Feeling the sensation of the breath through the nostrils, the ribs expanding, the feeling in the lower back and the rise of the chest is a great start for we then physically can feel our body, even when all else seems foreign. We breathe, therefore we are or Respira ergo sum

Most people urge people to take a deep breath. however i prefer the idea of a long breath out first that then allows an easy inhale. 

Some waves are especially enormous. A wave of grief or anger can be more like a tsunami that can throw us off balance. In this confusion, how may we find that moment between reaction and considered action? The "space of time" where perhaps we can make the nanoseconds longer so we can stay with ourselves, our connection, our intention and our truth and not be lulled into the crazy making of reactions and "over-reactions". We know that time is not linear....if someone is 2 minutes late to pick us up in the pouring rain versus 2 minutes being deep in conversation with a long lost friend, time takes on a totally different characteristic. The breath can tap into this timelessness, and enable us to see the world, and ourselves more clearly. It can give us the space we are needing when we need it the most.

We often only reach this place where we need to know the importance of breath when we discover something else within us. It may be when the shore looks too horrible, grey and dank or that beyond the waves there is a glimpse of possibility of newness, or in the process of delving into a performance role. Paul Theroux said "as a traveller we don't know where we are going".

We trust that the path ahead will unfold, step by step, breath by breath. "Let us sail beyond the sunset...." 

How might we take a leap of faith and harness our inner most breath, so that we might be able to be in deep connection with ourselves. To be on top of the wave, and then land safely onto new unchartered, and unspoilt shores. 

So close your eyes for that's a lovely way to be
Aware of things your heart alone was meant to see....

Don't try to fight the rising sea
Don't fight the moon the stars above
and don't fight me...

By now we know the wave is on its way to be
Just catch the wave don't be afraid of loving me.

The Wave" by Tom Jobim,