Dreaming of Walt

The Waking- Walt Whitman

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me, so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.

Smoking in the professional voice user

"One day I promised to God that if he would give me my voice back I would never smoke again. I got three octaves back after quitting" Mariah Carey

I don't want to sound preachy....but I see too many clients who smoke, particularly professional voice users. It is highly complex why we do all sorts of things that may not be ok for our body. Most of us have our vices. Recent studies claim that smoking is harder to give up than heroin. It is truly an addiction for some, and only a distraction for others. However if one was an athlete who wanted to participate in the Olympics, one would work really hard to curb a food addiction, minimise alcohol intake, increase physical activity and remove anything that would impede performance.

Strategies such as these don't always seem to equate with the song world. Do they need to? If it aint broke....Someone like Tom Waits might not have had his trademark voice without a certain amount of cigarettes and whisky. A husky, smoky voice can be perceived as a positive, but at what cost to the performer's long term vocal health?

I see many singers, actors and performers who smoke (and not only the cigarette variety). The smoke  is harmful to the vocal cords drying them out and causing inflammation and redness. Marijuana is said to be seven times hotter than cigarette smoke and can burn the vocal cords. Some performers like the raspy sound it gives them. They don't want to lose their edge and what made them popular in the first place. I see it as discomfort and more likely a long term problem.

How is it that one could be smoking and saying that they are looking after their voice? They are more likely to be prone to developing soreness and possible voice injuries especially if they have intensive performances and gigs. Some say "I get so many bouts of laryngitis every year". Is it really that? Or a combination of a few big nights out and the drying effects of the smoking? All too often we are blind to our own vices and the damaging effects it may have upon our bodies. I know of Speech Pathologists who refuse to work with those that do smoke.

Sometimes in life we are required to answer the question (that many perceive as dull) of which we want more: smoking or singing....A healthy life and professional performance career? I read yesterday that giving up smoking before 40 years old has dramatic benfits. So it is never too late to start.

Or in the words of Julia Cameron "How old will you be when you have finished it?
As old as you would have been if you had never started it".

Riding the waves

"Let us sail beyond the sunset...."

Perhaps it is that time of year in the Southern Hemisphere where the summer heat evokes daydreams of luxurious warmth and warm breezes, but I seem to be talking to everyone about the images of waves. Personally, I love the water: to be floating, swimming, resting in the salty sea. The ocean is enticing, and awe-inducing all at once. It can move from still to stormy in a short space of time, much like our internal selves at times.

What I have been reflecting on is  how do we weather our internal storms? 

Riding the waves of emotion requires a surfboard of sorts, or even a boat that can be anchored. Many of us head out to "sea" with no lifejacket and no idea about what some of the dangers might be and so we retreat quickly back to shore with emotions that have not fully run their course and with a memory that the experience was overwhelming, or close to. The best known surfboard that I know is in the power of our breath. With the breath we can we ride any wave and not be dunked by it, overwhelmed by it and not left gasping and panicked. 

Part of the adrenaline response in our nervous system is to alter our breath, allowing us to get ready to flee/fight/freeze, even if the danger is only in our psyche and not physically in front of us.  Our breath becomes shallow, or at times lost, unavailable and foreign.

How do we recognise that our breath is powerful and provides a sense of centre for us to come home to? Feeling the sensation of the breath through the nostrils, the ribs expanding, the feeling in the lower back and the rise of the chest is a great start for we then physically can feel our body, even when all else seems foreign. We breathe, therefore we are or Respira ergo sum. 

Most people urge people to take a deep breath. however i prefer the idea of a long breath out first that then allows an easy inhale. 

Some waves are especially enormous. A wave of grief or anger can be more like a tsunami that can throw us off balance. In this confusion, how may we find that moment between reaction and considered action? The "space of time" where perhaps we can make the nanoseconds longer so we can stay with ourselves, our connection, our intention and our truth and not be lulled into the crazy making of reactions and "over-reactions". We know that time is not linear....if someone is 2 minutes late to pick us up in the pouring rain versus 2 minutes being deep in conversation with a long lost friend, time takes on a totally different characteristic. The breath can tap into this timelessness, and enable us to see the world, and ourselves more clearly. It can give us the space we are needing when we need it the most.

We often only reach this place where we need to know the importance of breath when we discover something else within us. It may be when the shore looks too horrible, grey and dank or that beyond the waves there is a glimpse of possibility of newness, or in the process of delving into a performance role. Paul Theroux said "as a traveller we don't know where we are going".

We trust that the path ahead will unfold, step by step, breath by breath. "Let us sail beyond the sunset...." 

How might we take a leap of faith and harness our inner most breath, so that we might be able to be in deep connection with ourselves. To be on top of the wave, and then land safely onto new unchartered, and unspoilt shores. 

So close your eyes for that's a lovely way to be
Aware of things your heart alone was meant to see....

Don't try to fight the rising sea
Don't fight the moon the stars above
and don't fight me...

By now we know the wave is on its way to be
Just catch the wave don't be afraid of loving me.

The Wave" by Tom Jobim,

"Voice Rehab"

"The wound is the place where the light enters" Rumi

I saw an old friend last night who had been seeing the limitations of themselves in relation to their injury. We do this. We limit ourselves. What happens when we are no longer able to do the things we were doing effortlessly and pain-free before? How can we not be hard on ourselves or punish ourselves, or as my lovely friend Sara says 'let ourselves off the hook'. Why is injury judged and what makes one judge it?

I had an accident back in June, and suffered whiplash (not for the first time either), with ongoing treatment being required. How may we work ourselves out of an injury? So many questions spring to mind. Is it easier if we have a high level of technical knowledge pre injury? Does it make it harder or easier if we have awareness about what is happening to us?  Where does our fear sit when we have an injury? Do we go into fear at all or is it all encompassing? If we know more what might go wrong, how difficult is it to surrender and allow healing and recovery to take place? How can we move out of the emotions that might be overwhelming, and move to a place of acceptance? What we know is that when we focus our intention upon the present and plan for the future that lies ahead, with all its unknown qualities, it leads to an easier path.

As a Speech Pathologist, my role is mulitfarious in terms of recovering the injured voice.  I create structures and guidelines (often quite strict) for my clients in order for them to rehabilitate vocally. Not to whisper, shout, sing, or in some instances talk much at all, depending upon the injury or infection. It is a big ask for someone to stop speaking, or at least, speaking as much as they used to. To stop singing, even for a short time, can feel as if someone is asking them to be one handed. Often as an explanation, in our voice clinic, we use the analogy of a vocal athlete. It is a wonderful analogy, so much so I created a business from this model www.vocalathletics.com Singers and other professional voice users are our vocal athletes. The opera singer sings a marathon night after night. (Wagner may be a double marathon!) But so is the local school teacher who runs the equivalent of 25km a day!

We usually don't think twice about an AFL footballer or elite sportsperson doing a "corky" or a "hammy" or sustaining an injury, especially at the elite level. In some ways we almost expect that this might happen. Post injury, these sport players get elite and frequent rehabilitation.The media reports on it (as a general rule) without punishment or blame and gives regular updates on how players are recovering. Not so, it seems, with elite singers. The recent surgeries of the likes of Adele and John Mayer received less coverage. We don't know who their surgeons were (unless we look extensively on the web), or what their rehabilitation was like. I could not find out who their Speech Pathologists were. It seems enshrouded in secrecy, as if these voice difficulties are best hidden. At the other extreme, such as in the case of Julie Andrews, negative publicity was generated because of her poor voice outcome. She later teamed up with those same surgeons in an effort to promote their work and raise awareness of these issues surrounding the voice.

Most of my clients, particularly those from the media or international/national singers do not want to be known to have had "Speech/ voice therapy". Obviously,  I respect their privacy fully, as it seems that they feel that they too may be judged from this. If they had a personal trainer to get a great physique, we would know about it, I am sure.

I speak highly on both a personal and professional level of the amazing specialist voice physio Annie Strauch of Performance Medicine Physiotherapy. A sports physio for the vocal athlete! Is neck tension and a tired larynx something to be ashamed of? I do not always think so, especially if our technique is good. Is it because they think they have done something wrong? Does an AFL player blame themself for their injury(ies)?  I do hope that this attitude is one that will change in future years, and that voice rehabilitation is not something to b ashamed of. The more awareness we have of the voice and how we can look after it well, the better, in my opinion. We are not flawless human beings with flawless medical histories.

So. look after your precious voice: "You don't know what you've got till its gone...they paved paradise and put up a parking lot" Joni Mitchell

With voice injuries, I always suggest that a sound structure goes a long way- an email outlining what has been happening (usually a set of 3-4 varied emails depending upon who the recipients are) as well as a voice message on phones (recorded by them or somebody else) that suggests an sms or email is the preferred as a way of contacting them whilst they are having difficulty. This does help to take some of the pressure off the repetitive nature of retelling the story and the injury. Could we imagine the person with the "hammy" standing up and re-enacting the dreaded scene and showing us the same pose that they were in when they were injured. No. No, I think not. Yet the voice is perceived as different. It is of course, and yet also needs some of the same treatment.  

In terms of "real life", others judgement and concern certainly happens quickly. The questions usually come when they least want them; scuttling out to get milk and the cashier says- "oh, what is wrong with your voice, you should really get that checked out. You sound dreadful". Or friends who are wanting to be supportive and want to talk all the time with them. How do we say what is in our hearts when we are not able to use our speaking voice? How can we do it especially if we have not addressed the important emotional aspects of the recovery. What if we want to cry or yell in frustration every time we go to open our mouths? Can we do our job silently? Do we have 10 jobs that we are juggling? How do we make money? Most jobs these days require that we use our voice. Would you be able to perform your job duties if you had to be minimally speaking? How do we find that elusive patience and mindfulness in the midst of this process to really know it is a process and not focus on the immediate outcome. So many questions also means that people feel that their lives are no longer in their control, and it is an interesting and sometimes unfamiliar place to be.

Voice rest is a controversial issue currently. How long should we not make sound for if we have had an injury (or lost the voice?) What if we misused it on a night out and sang too much karaoke? How much rest would we need then? There are many factors for us to consider, and it is usually recommended on an individual basis. And for those for whom surgery is indicated, how long post surgery should one be completely silent for? As yet, we do not have the definitive answers according to the evidence, however it is becoming clearer as time and research continues. A Speech Pathologist and a Specialist ENT have some up to date answers on this. Unfortunately I have seen too many people who were advised voice rest (of up to one month) with no follow up specialist referral when they had a serious injury. Time lost in the most important part of the process, so that recovery can occur in a timely manner. 

And as my Nan used to say "A stitch in time saves nine." So if you are not sure about your voice, and it has been niggling at times, or you have had unexplained voice loss, croakiness, soreness and trouble talking perhaps it is a wise choice to book in with someone who knows. And I mean really knows. Not the "my friend who is an occasional singer told me that......" An excellent voice coach or a Speech Pathologist who has extensive experience with voice is a good place to start. We may think we have excellent vocal technique, however sometimes this is far from the truth. And our voices are important to us. Often only found out when it gives us trouble. We also can learn from when it is not feeling good. We can then take steps to care for it. and find the easier path to great and fabulous "shibumi" voicing!

Flow- in staying out of our own way...

“If I can get out of my own way,

If I can be pure enough,

If I can be selfless enough

And if I can be generous and loving and caring enough

To abandon what I have and my own

Preconceived silly notions of what I think I am

And become truly who in fact I am

Which is really just a child of the Universe

Then the music/sound/voice/flow/movements can really use me

And here lies my fulfilment

That’s where the flow starts to happen”

J.McLaughlin



This was my personal objective/mantra/aim for the concert on Sunday.....How to stay out of my own way. It was a feat. A triumph on a deeply personal level. It was a true testament to my mental, emotional and physical wellbeing as well as a deep trust in all that is. From all accounts it was a success. I received beautiful feedback, and it felt good.


Using all the strategies I speak of with my clients, I entered into the space calm, with minimal adrenaline, resting more with the nestles of the parasympathetic nervous system than in the popularised pep up of "go get 'em". I know I felt deeply connected to all that was around me, and felt definitively in the zone. I was connected to the breath, and to myself. I did not abandon myself once. I allowed myself to rest fully with my psyche, and the space I was residing in. The inner critic did not rear its ugly head, and the weight of judgement was nowhere to be seen within my heart. In that moment, I was completely blissed out, in love with all that was.


In this space, I know I could have resided for ever.

Thanks to all who came and supported me throughout my process. xx

Caves: echoes of the past

“For echo is the soul of the voice exciting itself in hollow places.” 

                                   ― Michael Ondaatje, The English Patient

The Newdegate Cave at Hastings  was glorious. Cheeky, and filled with a lightness that desired interplay. Many small chambers that resonated with a gloriousness remnant of some of the best cathedrals in the world. A long acoustic. Longing to be sung in. A symphony of sorts...

Newdegate Cave, Hastings Tasmania

So it was with a great appreciation that I had been largely on my own whilst I have sung and explored these caves. The sense of stillness is deeply satisfying. There is something again about residing in the silence, and then making sounds from the ethereal heavens which seems to open up hidden places. 

I was reminded again that I had been to many caves before this year. I went to Sung Sot Cave whilst I was in Vietnam several years ago. My memory of this time was that it felt unstable, and that there were literally thousands of tourists who were traipsing through with little respect for the cave. It had been said many people had taken pieces of the cave and touched much. What i witnessed was this lack of respect for the natural formations. In Australia, and in particular Tasmania, it seems that we are lucky that there is still so much that remains pristine.

Gunns Plains Cave, Tasmania

In Gunns Plains Cave, there was a moment, when the lights were switched off. And the gurgle of the flowing water through the cave was all one could hear. If there was a sound of amniotic fluid, and a recording of this, I imagine that they would be so similar. I was moved to silent tears. A sense of being soothed and safe in the dark. Delicious. Where time stands still. And in that moment I could have stayed there forever. A sign of the divine. Timelessness pervades deeply.

Geoff, the guide spoke of how he is often rejuvenated after a walk through the cave. Going in tired, with aches and ills, and coming out the other side, in a sense reborn with newfound vigour and delight. This was a theme amongst the guides all stating that they always felt better after tours than before. My body felt more energised after being in the caves, and I found my sleep to be deep and strong after such days. 

They do concerts in the cave. This seems to be a new, cool thing to do. It seems the cave energy can now support a new level of sound. Using the cave, and using sound to make the vibration of the cave change. I mean it has been there for over 440 million years. Since the ice age. How amazing is that? And lest we disturb it with our travels, our ramblings, and using sticks on columns to make sound( a little like playing the organ of bones in the Goonies) hopefully it can be preserved for many more years to come.

Cave experiences may not be for everyone, but it seems that once we have tried it, it fits like a comfortable shoe. Picasso describes his creativity as the "descent into caves of initiation and secret knowledge" One woman on a guided trip exclaimed a fearful "OOOH" when it went dark, yet was the first to say "I could have stayed there forever" once the lights were turned back on. Delightful. That seems to be the transformation and residing in process.

Metaphorical language of the caves.

*They caved into their cravings
 *My throat/heart/will caved in"
*Like a child in a magic cave"
*Aladdin's cave

Metaphorical language of caves then reminds me of the breath...

*our first breath

*he took my breath away

*he gasped in fright

*our dying breath

*he was a breath of fresh air
*I walked on air

Newdegate Cave, Hastings

If you know any others, I would love your comments....