Lovers of caves

"The cave that you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek" Joseph Campbell.

Time indeed takes on a degree of timelessness whilst in the cave itself. It is hard to know how long I had been in there. Sometimes it felt as if lifetimes had passed. Othertimes, it seemed to move very quickly although I had been in there for hours. A true sense of the elasticity of time.

For therein lies the peace and calm. Stephanie Dowrick once spoke of “intra-personal” peace. The space inside ourselves where it is no longer in conflict.  Just being.  Not the doing. Just being. Resting. Eating, nurturing talking, voicing. The parasympathetic nervous system. Where our bodies should reside for most of the time- at least 95%. And how in modern society it generally doesn’t. It often runs on adrenalin. And keeps running on adreanlin. And then we wonder why we are tired, or have nothing "left". Adrenalin is a non-renewbale energy source. The energy from the parasymaptheitc nervous system is renewable, long lasting, and easy. Kinda like the tropical island relaxation one gets when one is well and truly relaxed. It needs to be nurtured, and loved. 

How can we make our bodies reside more in the Being?

“We die containing a richness of lovers and tribes, tastes we have swallowed, bodies we have plunged into and swum up as if rivers of wisdom, characters we have climbed into as if trees, fears we have hidden in as if caves. I wish for all this to be marked on my body when I am dead.”

― Michael Ondaatje, The English Patient

Freedom from the inner critic

"Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains" Jean-Jacques Rousseau

There is so much information these days on how to manage our inner dialogue. Through our favourite search engine, there are a multiple different strategies. Often our inner dialogue, especially if it is negative, can get in the way when we are performing, public speaking, or even speaking to someone new in a personal setting.

I have done a great deal of work with clients over the last year, especially for performers in the area of the inner critic. I have to observe it in myself as well, otherwise the critic can suddenly explode and can lead to overwhelm and confusion. That internal dialogue of negativity stops us from being open, expressive and at ease with ourselves and our body. It is sometimes the inner critic that usually tends to trigger our adrenaline system. I draw on principles of mindfulness, as well as performance psychology to arrive at the easiest and most successful outcome for those that I see.

When we criticise ourselves, we respond with feeling under attack and our muscles tense. It creates a defence by tightening and tensing muscles. For many I work with, this judgement sits in the mouth and throat area and tightens the jaw, tongue, lips, neck and throat. So when we are looking for an open throat and jaw free from tension to obtain a free voice, it proves to get in the way (to say the least).


"Why do lock yourself up in these chains? No one can change your life except for you" Wilson Philips

Indeed why do we have such a harsh critic? What stops us from being more gentle with ourselves, for forgiving ourselves? Some of the things we might say to ourselves are mean, or nasty, or untrue, or based on something that happened when we were much younger. I often have clients who say that it was their year 3 teacher that told them they could not sing, and they haven't questioned it since!The first step is to be aware of when and why we do it, without criticising ourselves (using many of the mindfulness techniques).Is there a way of getting out of our own way and altering the stress-tension pattern. 

Below is one of the most interesting ways to view "stress"that I have seen. "Stress"is a term oft used and over-used: many of us glorify being "busy". Are we more obsessed  with "outcomes" in our modern world? I read recently that perhaps all we need is one life changing idea and it would alter our life forever. I doubt it would come in if we were frantic and focusing on our lack of time.

"Stress-tension-release-relaxation
 Stress-tension-release-rela
 Stress-tension-relea
 Stress-tension-stress"  King

We are not generally in the habit of releasing, nor relaxing as a general rule in Western society. The art of relaxing and releasing is often lost in our busy world and certainly stating to someone that we have had a great time dreaming and daydreaming lately may be met with considerable disdain. Or a judgement of being lazy....or in some circles extremely lucky. Distractions  and addictions are more common, rather than "releases" and focusing inward and reflecting. We may find that during the week, or during a rehearsal period, we are either at maximum speed or passed out on the couch.  Have we lost the balance?

So, as we focus on the doing in daily life, without breaking the tension, the stress cycle continues to develop and the inner critic rejoices that we haven't stopped, so that we may be successful and productive. I often wonder about some of the young corporate individuals who come to see me, as they often are unable to see that their bodies have any level of "stress". They no longer even recognise that they need to release, and they look at me as if i am quite mad to suggest that they need to actively release, focus on themselves, their breath, become grounded and flow again. How can this co-exist in their life? Especially if they are working 16 hour days, as well as weekends. What makes us then stop? 

For a lot of us, if it remains unchecked,  stress and tension continue to build. For many of my clients it is their voice, jaw or breathing that is affected. For some, I feel that their voice is giving them a warning to address their vocal symptoms. And sometimes, we need to know that we inhabit a space internally where it is safe to let go. For many perfomers and those that are more sensitive, being in a supported space with someone else can allow the release to occur. Sometimes it can feel too big to do on our own, especially if the critic is playing a heavy hand.

Here is a great video on the inner critic as suggested by Joyce di Donato, famous classical operatic soprano. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=Mgb-kIZcOI4 She speaks of how everyone who performs has to silence that voice in our head that gets in our way. And it is great for any non-perfomers out there too. 

We have the capacity to tone our nervous system and our thoughts. We do not always have to be busy or stressed. We can learn to re-engage our calm nervous system (Parasymapthetic) We need to target our thoughts and our body and listen to them intently and with compassion. 

So some thoughts on finding more internal space:

How can we luxuriate more? How can we structure less?  How can we thank our internal critic for all it gives us, and then allow it to take a back seat and listen more to our inner voice? How can we give ourselves full permission to discover the walls that confine and bind us? For in that must led to increased freedom and ease.

When we are free mentally and emotionally and physically, then we can resonate vocally. Find flow again, find more freedom, in our voice and in our life.... xx

"The human voice is the organ of the soul" 
Henry Longfellow

Roses...the art of life

"Where are the songs of Spring? Ay, where are they?

Think not of them, thou hast thy music too,-

While barred clouds bloom the soft-dying day,

And touch the stubble-plains with rosy hue" John Keats

It is that time of year when we transition into the cold and darkness of Winter. In the garden that signifies many things. Recently my dad and I pruned a multitude of rose bushes. Well he did, expertly, and I was his novice student. He is known for his beautiful roses at home.  My dad has a true green thumb, and spends many hours in the garden. I have been known to be not so handy in my garden travails allowing many a plant to meet an all too soon demise. So  it was with a newfound curiosity and desire to learn the art of green life. 

The pruning allowed us to observe the sound of the gentle rain in the garden. The quietude and stillness made this experience truly enjoyable, coupled with the crispness of the cooler afternoon air. Over the summer, the roses had provided me with hours of glorious scent, of delightful colour. Now, in the waning into true Winter, watching them take their final bow towards their ephemerality was true beauty.  It reminds me of the cycles of life and death, allowing the full nature of transformation to be present, from the arrival of the first blushing bud until the last of the petals fall.

I have been contemplating my new instructions to rose pruning and feel that these lessons may also apply to life. Surprisingly, over the past few weeks, I have given this advice to people who are searching for the ultimate rose pruning. Here are my dad's guidelines on how to prune roses, wonderfully advised in his gentle tone of voice, filled with patience.

Cut away the old flowers first.
Start with what you can see easily and cut them away.Take off the old roses, the leaves, in order to see beyond the wildness of the rose bush. Take time to look at the plant and see how it is structured, instead of being in the midst of the plant. Step back and have a look at it from all angles until you can see the whole of the plant and get to know it and what shape it might take.  
Not to be too hasty at the start when we haven't truly seen what shape it is we would like to develop. Give it the space to allow it to unfold. Being patient that it is the first step in the process and it may not yet be clear what to do next.

Cut away anything that is growing on the inside. We are looking to make the rose bush circular. 

Cutting away the branches on the inside. Some looked so lovely that I didn't want to cut them at first. They were not part of the roses plan to grow into its envisaged shape. Such as when things look beautiful on the surface, but they do not serve us anymore and we need to let them go. They are not for our highest purpose, and may lead us into thorny situations in the future.

Cut away anything that is crossing over into the middle of the bush.

This step entails cutting away that which has grown over what needs to be bare. Cutting a branch that will later interfere with the growth of a stronger branch...a healthier one. In modern times, we often have so many things going on, and not always enough time to have clarity on all that occupies us.  To cut away those things in life that cross us, that keep us "busy" and "doing" and that stop us from breathing and Being. "At this deep level we can then create the life we want especially when all of our "branches" are going in the right direction. We can harness and maintain our energy by being clear of what our intention is.

Prune to a third of its original size. Making a firm cut just above a new bud. This might seem a lot, but roses like a good prune (It might look harsh) They will grow back. And flower.

To me this last guideline is all about trust. A third? Really? It seems a lot. Apparently so. 
There has been many times in my life when I have "pruned" my life. Just after it is done, I have had a feeling of slight discomfort, tinged with regret: "oh, perhaps I trimmed too much-it looks so bare and empty". To me this stage is knowing and trusting new opportunities will enter a vacuum. The roses need it in order to grow anew. And amazing opportunities often replace what had been removed.

Winter is a time of introspection, of shorter days and longer nights. It is a wonderful time to observe what is going on internally and make changes that suit us on a deep level. We benefit from this time of introspection to gain clarity and scope out possibilities for the time ahead.

In life, we need to create space, especially if life feels too full. On a physical level, when we have an internal empty space, it can fill. The breath fully exhaled creates a vacuum in the lungs, creating room for the next inhale. We can then trust the new breath will enter into our body easily. We can surrender fully to this breath as it enters at a profound level.
When there is emotional space, it too creates room for the new, whether it be new romantic love, friends, hobbies, a new passion, or something old that is new again. We cannot always do this from a place of busy, overwhelm or overflow. Creating space for new growth. It is a time for searching what makes us happy and excited and what makes our hearts glad.
Space and release on a mental level is needed too. It is the basis of meditation and mindfulness. It is the clearing out of old thoughts, of becoming aware of what our thought space is doing. New thoughts can arrive, creating feelings of aliveness and inspiration. We benefit from this deep level of surrender. Of lettting go, and feeling into the next transition. Knowing that we will be supported. "Leap, and the net will appear".

Gardening together was a beautiful experience. Metaphorically, it is great to get a perspective on one's own life by a person we trust. Only we can make choices and decisions regarding our inner lives. However, discussion and advice can assist with how to "prune" ourselves in the best direction, and with the most amount of love.  

So in the midst of this chilly Winter, there is hope and trust for the Spring whilst acknowledging that it is still a deeply inward time... a feeling of waiting for the next growth to appear and to be filled by new delights. And the beautiful anticipation of the scent of roses filling the air with joy.

xx