Flow- in staying out of our own way...

“If I can get out of my own way,

If I can be pure enough,

If I can be selfless enough

And if I can be generous and loving and caring enough

To abandon what I have and my own

Preconceived silly notions of what I think I am

And become truly who in fact I am

Which is really just a child of the Universe

Then the music/sound/voice/flow/movements can really use me

And here lies my fulfilment

That’s where the flow starts to happen”

J.McLaughlin



This was my personal objective/mantra/aim for the concert on Sunday.....How to stay out of my own way. It was a feat. A triumph on a deeply personal level. It was a true testament to my mental, emotional and physical wellbeing as well as a deep trust in all that is. From all accounts it was a success. I received beautiful feedback, and it felt good.


Using all the strategies I speak of with my clients, I entered into the space calm, with minimal adrenaline, resting more with the nestles of the parasympathetic nervous system than in the popularised pep up of "go get 'em". I know I felt deeply connected to all that was around me, and felt definitively in the zone. I was connected to the breath, and to myself. I did not abandon myself once. I allowed myself to rest fully with my psyche, and the space I was residing in. The inner critic did not rear its ugly head, and the weight of judgement was nowhere to be seen within my heart. In that moment, I was completely blissed out, in love with all that was.


In this space, I know I could have resided for ever.

Thanks to all who came and supported me throughout my process. xx

Synchronicity

"The areas in which we feel most stuck and most incompetent may be our richest gold mine of developing material" Free Play

This year, I had wanted to walk the Camino de Santiago across Northern Spain. I have known about "il camino" for over 20 years and it has always piqued my interest. It is something I had promised friends in France that we would do before we were 40. It is seen as a rite of passage for many pilgrims: A mark of their faith, their endurance. Many have spoken of their experiences with their inner gifts opening whilst 'on' the Camino, including Shirley Maclaine. There was a film released this year, The Way, which highlighted how special the Camino route is for personal and spiritual growth. I still managed to love the film, despite some of its cliches, especially the sweeping scenery (all minus the pain of real blisters)! The pilgrims follow the scallop shell of "St Jacques" along the route.

I decided not to pursue this path this year. Trusting that as one door opens.....one may need to stand in the hallway a while till another one opens.....but open it does...and so it has.

I found a scallop shell last week whilst walking along the bay. I saw it as a sign that I have been travelling in the right direction. Making my way slowly and surely. Making my very own Camino during my immersion in Tassie. Following my heart, following the wind and the birds. Indeed the birds had squawked madly as I had been walking the other way, and watching their flight, I had decided to follow them.

Scallop Shell on "My Camino"

Scallop shell on the Camino

A synchroncity of sorts. And a beautiful reminder that we can find meaning in our lives through symbols. It is like when we buy a new car and suddenly all we see are new cars. I often see life play out around me in symbols. I seem to get lots of signs and hints when I am travelling about my internal world. A sign will remind me of a story, a song, a memory and with that I find myself dropping into the labyrhinth of my mind where I can recall, dissect, reflect upon its meaning. It seems to bring about a new clarity, focus, meaning, and I find that the depths of meaning are multi-layered.

I see signs in real life too: Speaking recently with a friend of her dismissal of her deeper feminine aspects, we were treated to a woman jumping out of a moving car at the train station. Really. A moving car. We laughed solidly for the next five minutes at the synchronicity and the strength of the symbolism. If there is ever an image now of how we "throw out our feminine aspects" that is it. And yes, it was a male driver (with respect to the masculine in us, and her masculine at the time). We both laughed at the clarity of how the external meets the internal. For me, this is my reality. There are signs in my outer world which augment, and clarify my internal world, sometimes as if to prepare me for what is ahead.

Jung believed there were many indications of how we are connected: with our fellow humans and with nature in general, through the 'collective unconscious' or "Atman". As we venture deeper into the 'Atman' we may find that we are more and more connected to our internal environment. The Germans have a great way of expressing those who are more emotionally connected to the Atman by stating "Some of us live closer to the water than others" (I can't find the German translation, and yes, if you know it, please comment!)

The artistic journey is one of reconnecting to oneself.  Of making sense of these synchronicities. A way of delving deeply into the internal psyche. An internal journey. One that isn't concerned whether we are sitting on the couch at home or in some ritzy hotel. Although, sometimes it is wonderful to change our external environment to facilitate this inner journey. It is as though it seems to dislodge any internal matter that may be too fixed and stubborn in the quotidien life by being gently jostled from our external environment. 

And by dislodging it, we may find our best song, our most beautiful poem, our richest heart.

xx

Power of Ritual

"A ritual cannot be created; it grows in accordance with the need to make meaning" N.Hall

"Everything in nature, the sum total of heavens and of earth become a temple and an altar for the services of God" Hildegard Von Bingen.

Deep breath, Melanie Weidner, 2005

Ritual of 
coffee
naps
daydreams
meditation
goodness
generosity
eating
looking at the moon
stretching
dancing
singing
breathing
being...

Ritual heals and celebrates and brings the microcosm into relationship with the macrocosm. (Matthew Fox)  As I contemplate these ideas this morning, I am aware of how one uses rituals to make oneself at home to bring awareness and familiarity to the day. I awaken, look out the window at the day (today's sunrise was spectacular), stretch, breathe, remember my dreams,  put the radio on, put the coffee machine on, and on it goes. Some of these rituals are common to many, some are common to self only. A ritual can deepen when we do it consciously, according to Woodman. 

So I wonder if we keep up these rituals if others around us don't? How strong is our need for it? Are we able to miss a day? In ancient times, rituals were how we survived and gave meaning to life...honouring the seasons, nature, the weather.  We would have harvested at certain times, the animals would have been at a certain watering hole, the tides would have been at a particular level. These days, our rituals do not mean that we die if we do not do honour them. At least not on a physical level. Our biggest ritual may be opening a bottle of wine at the end of the work week.

I love ritualised experiences. I grew up feasting on religious ritual and song. Marius Schneider is an ethnomusicologist. He states that most public ritual is accompanied by music and song as it was in old. Even the football grand final has a musical prelude.  Rituals used to be secret. There were the rites of passage for both males and females. Even the alphabet used to be secret apparently. People still die to this day standing up for their religious beliefs and rituals. 

Tea tree lake, Sister's beach, Rocky Cape National Park, Tasmania

Deep feminine is about ritual, magic, eternity, altered states of consciousness, art, music, lunar cycles, intuition. Ritual is also the primary means by which people get their inner houses into order, both at an individual level and as a community. One of my friends spoke of a beautiful Sri Lankan ritual of allowing prosperity into a new house by over-boiling milk onto the stove. 

How do we set up our lives so we can honour the ritual of our lives? Our society rewards those who have "been busy" not necessarily those who have been deep in reflection without 'anything' to show for it. 'Daydreamers' and 'slacking off' come to mind. Often our modern life is, on the whole, highly structured. In the past, my creative flow has felt stifled at times by the rigid set up of modern day. How many of us would like some days to not face the world, instead finish writing that poem, or song, nap or daydream rather than head off to work. I know many creatives whose lives are mixed between "day jobs"  and a few sacred hours of inspiration at the end of the working day. In such a patriarchal society, the deep feminine, or creativity is not often revered. I had a client say to me recently "I thought what you did was B-S at the beginning, but now I know it works. You are awesome" Yes, breathwork and technique is magic. So is being aware of what we are doing. 

Hildegard von Bingen wrote that "authentic ritual helps us find our inner selves." Lately, I have been exploring the deep feminine in relation to caves. I saw a beautiful river that had etched its way through the honeycomb cave last week. It furrowed in unusual ways. The water had found a way through the seemingly impenetrable structure, little by little making a path for itself that was sustainable and which supported its flow. This would have taken hundreds and thousands of years to achieve. It reminded me that nothing is permanent, such in the Buddhist teachings and knowing on a deep level that all things change with time.

Honeycomb Cave, Mole Creek

That is how I feel I am restructuring my world at the moment. Etching out a new course. It requires more structure, but of the kind that supports me on every level, whilst giving the flow the space, and the breath, to move and change course. I am grateful for this new possibility. It also provides hope that the flow can be a force powerful enough to facilitate change through what seems rock-like substances. Something I perceive as dense and solid might shift with time and persistence of flow.  

Whilst in Vanuatu this year, a ritual unexpectedly arose. Routine combined with an unexpected aspect of song resulting in a magical experience. After an operation, unplanned, the whole medical team walked behind a patient's trolley, wheeling him back to the ward. There were many family members on the ward who were singing beautiful songs of their home and hearts. Their melodious voices floated up as if carrying us all on poop'ed wings. Returning their brother, son, child, future elder back to the tribe after surgery. It was a procession of sorts. A handing over. It was honouring, moving and greater than the individual sum of its parts. I was moved, and the occasion was marked as unique and special. A sign of the great feminine. The kind of experience that gives one body shivers. The power of ritual.

xx

Daily practice ritual

“Fortunately the practice involved in working with form is not just hard work. It also helps us to relax, give birth to new qualities of being and realize new inner freedom. 

The more a musician practices his instrument, the more fully and freely he can express himself, without having to struggle with the limitations of technique. 

Through his practice and devotion, he masters not just the technique, but more importantly, himself, developing the inner confidence and sensitivity that will allow him to interpret music in a masterful way.

This frees up our energy to explore new areas, to cultivate deeper qualities of our being and see how to bring these more fully into our daily life.” William James

Daily practice is such a chore isn't it. We know we should be doing something every day. But what stops us from doing it? There are always many many reasons. It can start off so well, and then....

I set regular practice as part of my speech therapy programs.  I do tailor the amount of home practice according to the individual. I ascertain how much they are likely to do. It is a much better to feel we are fulfilling the practise than never achieving it...Reminds me of my clarinet practice when I was younger. 30 minutes felt like an eternity.

When my clients return, I can tell when they don't tell the whole truth about their daily practise/home program. Some are honest about it and state the many varied reasons why it was not possible to achieve it. Some reasons are perfectly valid and some are veiled as our attempts to sabotage ourselves from improving. I see myself as a "barrier-remover facilitator". I work out ways to see if the practice can be incorporated easily: in the car, while the kettle is boiling, in the toilets...(yes, there). And every little bit counts towards a real improvement. Slowly, as the barriers are removed, change can occur.

I had a conversation this week with a new friend, where we discussed the fear of success is often more daunting than the fear of failure. And so it may seem many times that we stop ourselves from doing something for fear we might actually improve. It is almost as if we say to ourselves "Well, what then? What if i am successful?" A delightful sensation to explore when it arises and find where our true resonance lies. 

This fear of success can happen to anyone, yet many creative and sensitive individuals I know, both personally and professionally, seem to run into these barriers earlier than others. Success means we need to make ourselves vulnerable, and this can be emotionally confronting, perhaps terrifying!

Brene Brown in her "Ted" speech talks about vulnerability being the key to successful relationships. (If you don't know about TED, do yourself a favour and check it out!")

'Relationship' also being the one we have with ourselves. How do we keep honest with ourselves, connected to our truth and our desires, as opposed to our ego's desires or those around us, real or imaginary? This is where daily practice can come in. It reminds us of where we have been, where we are, and where we want to be. In a mindful and clear way, it engages us on all levels: mental, emotional, energetic and physical.

I have often read the above quote. It inspires me to consider my daily practice. And consider it again. I used to have it on the wall for several years as a constant reminder of where I was heading. My intention: Semi-supine, vocalisations, voice exercises, body awareness, mindfulness, master of my emotions and thoughts. It inspires me to be more of a musician. More of a craftsman of my vocal instrument, exploring all it can do, pushing it to its limits. Not just range or volume, but also in its flexibility and uniqueness. I am always finding subtlety and nuance in what it can do. It surprises me constantly, which is a beautiful feeling. And only achieved through experimentation, improvisation and play.

After a ritualised daily practice, I seem to find I am able to tap into that connected feeling more organically. It seems that I am then able to be more spontaneous throughout the day. It enables me to be more present. More available to myself. 

Mastering the craft, I know this as the place where true possibilities arise.